The Do-Over

12:00 am 26 December 2017

It's really cold where I live. The kind of cold where standing outside give you frosty eyelashes and makes you look like a magical fairy which would be cool except that basically means the moisture in your eyes has frozen and your phone quits if you try to take a selfie and frost on eyelashes melts quite quickly so forget about attempting it inside. What good are frosty eyelashes without photo evidence? Did they EVEN exist?

I bring this up because it's a good segue. It's so cold I think half of my brain might be frozen, and I'm living in fear for what this means because it actually gets way worse here, it's just this feels like it came out of nowhere but it's December so who can really say that because December and January and February where I live are usually goddamn awful. Where was I? Oh, frozen brain. So part of my brain is no longer working, so that's the only excuse I have for finishing this book because it was kind of like
"I walked my dog and then it peed and I wondered what my daughter was doing. Once I met this guy and we were 22 and now I'm nearly 40 but he was a catch. Timing was all wrong though, he had a girlfriend and sometimes my divorced self still feels a little desperate for him. So then I saw him later and we hooked up. I have the personality of cardboard. I think it might be this writing. This man has a weird relationship with my daughter. I don't question it because we stayed up till dawn when we were 22. He's really sexy, and I'm going to describe one of the worst written sex scenes of all times. You will think it sounds sexy how we got it on on the terrace, but it really sounds clinical with some racy words. It makes me sad to think about it. I'm going to see him at a gala. I love him. My best friend has great tits."

There, I've saved you all the time. She didn't really have a dog. But if she did, she would have been boring about it.

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