Sam's Reading: A Work in Progress

There are a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. First, I caught this book as a BR - I was having trouble bringing myself to read it otherwise for some reason so it was just the push I needed.

I'll probably recycle some thoughts from that forum as well as borrow upon others as a result. Also, spoilering for sake of that...


So, when I went to bed after reading this late into the night last night, shadows and depth were two things that stuck with me from this book. Obviously that one is right there in the title, but as motifs, I thought they were masterful. Both characters are dealing with these 'shadows' and being so different and set apart. And both characters have unseen depths by others-and likely each other...and really the two go together so brilliantly and heartbreakingly in this book. Because this book did break my heart.

Julian noticed Emma in a garden and she looks bored, unwell, and miserable. Neither of the characters seems to fit in their relative place, and Duran shows how the lack of fit when all appearances indicate you should fit can be a bit awkwardly painful and make one feel more alone. Julian is between world in a heartbreaking situation. And in each other, they find a match. Emma is, by her own declaration, fierce. Julian is sensitive and empathetic and sweet. The book is filled with lovely dialogue that would feel out of place in other books, but fits so well here. Duran delicately demonstrates the heartbreak each character has had to endure that led them to this place, to their vulnerabilities and ultimately connection with one another.

I'm at risk of rambling on, and I just might eventually. I still have a lot of processing to do. Because if the first half of the book was in tone delicate and brutal, yet hopeful somehow, the second half was gut-wrenching.

Normally if a character felt or did what Emma did in the second half of this book, I'd be so annoyed. In this case, you understand. You understand her brutal loneliness, her heartbreak, and the ultimate conclusion that she'll never be over it. Meanwhile, Julian thinks her dead with good reason and I really was cringing before their first reunion. As I was reading it, I was thinking "there are so many ways this could go that I won't like. I will be angry at one or the other of them" and guess what? I wasn't. His approach to her was flawless. His utter disregard for others; her reaction was equally realistic. After all, by their own admission, (don't get me started on the globe: ("You want my whole itinerary? I won't give it! I have given you enough!") he looked for her everywhere but in London. And that doesn't make things easier. At this point, of course Julian is completely devoted even if 'she won't have him.' He tries different tactics, confuses her, we get some great insight into Lockwood. In the process, we can feel his pain too. She seems cold, resigned to her loneliness.

Emma struggles to both deny and accept him. She's still so heartbroken and afraid since she's faced so many terrors, and was so incredibly let down by him. And her fear is completely understandable. So here, instead of veering into "God, get over it already" it stayed very much in the "Yep, I get it" territory.

Anyway, as I still process, I feel I'm only doing a plot recap & reaction of what I felt was an incredibly effective, heartbreaking, beautiful romance. It felt so very unlikely yet so very real. I haven't mentioned how masterfully Meredith Duran says things like
"I am not blind. Words are not the only way we communicate. They never were."
And things like "You are not the only one who took that journey."

Or "Water under the bridge" "Then a very stagnant river"

I am just so impressed at how I could feel their heartbreak and their tenderness. Simply beautiful, elegant, and brutal.